Furlough Film # 10
(Every furlough day Dublin and Robert Fong get together to view a film and have a discussion about it. This time Bob Fong's neighbor Paul joined them as well. The following is a transcript of that discussion.)
D: Is this thing on? Check! Okay. We’re doing something a little different this time. Instead of watching a movie together we’re going to just have a discussion.
R: We haven’t got together in two months and now we’re not going to even watch something? We’re gonna discuss?
P: Sounds good to me.
R: Shut up Paul.
D: Well, to be honest, we don’t have anything to watch. Nobody brought anything.
R: God damn it. What are we discussing?
D: I was thinking: worst movies ever made? Or at least, the one’s we’ve seen.
P: That’s easy, Showgirls.
R: That’s one of the best movies ever made. The f__k?
D: I guess you could say it’s so bad it’s good. Is that what you mean Bob?
R: No. I mean it’s f__king good. One of the best sex scenes ever shot.
P: The hot tub? Oh come on.
R: It was a big moment in my life. I'd seen that chick as the tall goofy girl on Saved By The Bell and then she became a woman in front of me in Showgirls.
D: And you became a man?
R: Kind of.
P: Jesse from Saved By The Bell was like a dolphin out of water, writhing in pain.
D: In the hot tub?
P: Yes!
D: That’s right. There was a lot of writhing. I remember that. I also remember Glen Plumber.
R: Who the f__k is Glen Plumber?
D: He was the dancing instructor or something. I don’t really remember. He was the guy who was like “Oh! You're such a good dancer. You have so much talent! I want you in my show,” and you think he’s being sarcastic because she’s really not a good dancer. Then you realize he’s serious and it’s confusing. It’s like the movie takes place in an alternative universe.
P: Wasn’t that guy in Menace 2 Society?
D: Glen Plumber? Yeah, and South Central. He ruled the nineties.
R: He was in Speed too.
D: Yep.
P: What happened to him? You don’t see him much anymore.
D: Showgirls probably killed his career like everybody else. He grew up not far from here, in Richmond. Supposedly, he’s the only Richmond celebrity.
R: There’s no worse movie than The Room. That’s a fact.
D: Haven’t seen it.
P: I have, it’s God awful.
D: Worse than Showgirls?
P: It’s mystifying it’s so bad. Fascinating. You sit there and try to figure what the hell it all means and your kind of laughing but then it just continues on and you become speechless. It’s beyond ridiculous.
D: What’s it about?
R: It’s about a weirdo Euro trash guy that likes to bone his girlfriend until she decided she hates his long hair and his accent and starts bonking his best friend. There’s some retarded kid that hangs around too.
D: What?
R: It’s very strange. A lot of people think it’s just all of the director’s issues with women put into one movie. He also wrote it.
D: Who is he?
P: Tommy Wiseau.
R: He’s the f__king Euro trash guy in it! Half the movie is his weird plasticky ass as he pumps this chunky blond chick. God!
D: I take it that you didn’t like it?
R: All these hipsters like to watch it and laugh at it but f__k that. I can’t stand that s__t.
P: Dub, you got one?
D: Hmmm, I mean I brought this whole thing up but now that I think about it it’s pretty hard. I don’t really watch bad movies. If something sucks then forget it, I’m not watching it.
R: C’mon! I’m committed whether I like it or not. Especially if I paid for it.
D: Well, to me good movies hardly ever come out. At least it seems like it. But I did watch a weird one last week. Tough Guys Don’t Dance?
R: Never heard of it.
P: Me neither.
D: I got it on Netflix on a whim because I saw it was based on a novel by Norman Mailer. He directed it too.
P: Bad?
D: It’s very strange. I feel like Mailer bit a little too much off of David Lynch. Everybody is over acting and being offensive for no apparent reason-
R: Wait, that’s the one with Ryan O’Neal, where he’s going “Oh God! Oh man! Oh God!” Right?
D: Yes! How did you know about that?
R: It’s on YouTube. Supposedly it’s the worst line reading ever done in a movie.
(Every furlough day Dublin and Robert Fong get together to view a film and have a discussion about it. This time Bob Fong's neighbor Paul joined them as well. The following is a transcript of that discussion.)
D: Is this thing on? Check! Okay. We’re doing something a little different this time. Instead of watching a movie together we’re going to just have a discussion.
R: We haven’t got together in two months and now we’re not going to even watch something? We’re gonna discuss?
P: Sounds good to me.
R: Shut up Paul.
D: Well, to be honest, we don’t have anything to watch. Nobody brought anything.
R: God damn it. What are we discussing?
D: I was thinking: worst movies ever made? Or at least, the one’s we’ve seen.
P: That’s easy, Showgirls.
R: That’s one of the best movies ever made. The f__k?
D: I guess you could say it’s so bad it’s good. Is that what you mean Bob?
R: No. I mean it’s f__king good. One of the best sex scenes ever shot.
P: The hot tub? Oh come on.
R: It was a big moment in my life. I'd seen that chick as the tall goofy girl on Saved By The Bell and then she became a woman in front of me in Showgirls.
D: And you became a man?
R: Kind of.
P: Jesse from Saved By The Bell was like a dolphin out of water, writhing in pain.
D: In the hot tub?
P: Yes!
D: That’s right. There was a lot of writhing. I remember that. I also remember Glen Plumber.
R: Who the f__k is Glen Plumber?
D: He was the dancing instructor or something. I don’t really remember. He was the guy who was like “Oh! You're such a good dancer. You have so much talent! I want you in my show,” and you think he’s being sarcastic because she’s really not a good dancer. Then you realize he’s serious and it’s confusing. It’s like the movie takes place in an alternative universe.
P: Wasn’t that guy in Menace 2 Society?
D: Glen Plumber? Yeah, and South Central. He ruled the nineties.
R: He was in Speed too.
D: Yep.
P: What happened to him? You don’t see him much anymore.
D: Showgirls probably killed his career like everybody else. He grew up not far from here, in Richmond. Supposedly, he’s the only Richmond celebrity.
R: There’s no worse movie than The Room. That’s a fact.
D: Haven’t seen it.
P: I have, it’s God awful.
D: Worse than Showgirls?
P: It’s mystifying it’s so bad. Fascinating. You sit there and try to figure what the hell it all means and your kind of laughing but then it just continues on and you become speechless. It’s beyond ridiculous.
D: What’s it about?
R: It’s about a weirdo Euro trash guy that likes to bone his girlfriend until she decided she hates his long hair and his accent and starts bonking his best friend. There’s some retarded kid that hangs around too.
D: What?
R: It’s very strange. A lot of people think it’s just all of the director’s issues with women put into one movie. He also wrote it.
D: Who is he?
P: Tommy Wiseau.
R: He’s the f__king Euro trash guy in it! Half the movie is his weird plasticky ass as he pumps this chunky blond chick. God!
D: I take it that you didn’t like it?
R: All these hipsters like to watch it and laugh at it but f__k that. I can’t stand that s__t.
P: Dub, you got one?
D: Hmmm, I mean I brought this whole thing up but now that I think about it it’s pretty hard. I don’t really watch bad movies. If something sucks then forget it, I’m not watching it.
R: C’mon! I’m committed whether I like it or not. Especially if I paid for it.
D: Well, to me good movies hardly ever come out. At least it seems like it. But I did watch a weird one last week. Tough Guys Don’t Dance?
R: Never heard of it.
P: Me neither.
D: I got it on Netflix on a whim because I saw it was based on a novel by Norman Mailer. He directed it too.
P: Bad?
D: It’s very strange. I feel like Mailer bit a little too much off of David Lynch. Everybody is over acting and being offensive for no apparent reason-
R: Wait, that’s the one with Ryan O’Neal, where he’s going “Oh God! Oh man! Oh God!” Right?
D: Yes! How did you know about that?
R: It’s on YouTube. Supposedly it’s the worst line reading ever done in a movie.
P: It’s true. Here’s what it says on Wikipedia:
“This film also includes the unofficially-proclaimed "worst line reading ever", wherein O'Neal's character Tim Madden reads a note from his ex-girlfriend Madeline informing him that his wife was having an affair with her husband, whereupon he exclaims "Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God!" This scene has become a popular internet meme. Norman Mailer, in an interview featured on the DVD release of the film, said that he was counseled to cut the ending of the scene due to O'Neal's poor performance, but kept it in because he thought the poor line-reading actually added something to the picture. O'Neal, who had been friendly with Mailer, turned on him as he felt his reputation could be jeopardised by the scene (O'Neal had been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor several years previously).”
D: That’s really funny. Ryan O’Neal is God awful in it. As is everybody else.
P: There’s a million bad movies. We could talk about this all night.
R: F__k that. I gotta go.
D: Alright. Next time let’s talk about our favorites. Something to think about until we meet up again. Deal?
R: Fine.
P: Deal.
Taken from a transcription by Peggy Menchstone on 08/27/12
“This film also includes the unofficially-proclaimed "worst line reading ever", wherein O'Neal's character Tim Madden reads a note from his ex-girlfriend Madeline informing him that his wife was having an affair with her husband, whereupon he exclaims "Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God!" This scene has become a popular internet meme. Norman Mailer, in an interview featured on the DVD release of the film, said that he was counseled to cut the ending of the scene due to O'Neal's poor performance, but kept it in because he thought the poor line-reading actually added something to the picture. O'Neal, who had been friendly with Mailer, turned on him as he felt his reputation could be jeopardised by the scene (O'Neal had been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor several years previously).”
D: That’s really funny. Ryan O’Neal is God awful in it. As is everybody else.
P: There’s a million bad movies. We could talk about this all night.
R: F__k that. I gotta go.
D: Alright. Next time let’s talk about our favorites. Something to think about until we meet up again. Deal?
R: Fine.
P: Deal.
Taken from a transcription by Peggy Menchstone on 08/27/12
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