Watch The Thrones, Week 10

The following is a series of text messages that were sent back and forth the night of June 9th 2013 between contributors Dublin and DJ Undacut.

D Well my friend, there you have it. Season 3 over!

D: Alas, we have to wait what is going to feel like a Westeros Winter before we view a new episode of Game of Thrones.

UC: I’m already depressed homie, and I just finished it ten minutes ago.

UC: What in the hell am I going to do with my life until next year?

D: You could get a job?

D: What did you think of the season finale?

UC: Kind’a whatever but satisfied.

UC: How do you follow up the Red Wedding- aint no way!

UC: Some great scenes though.

D: Yes!

D: The scene of the dire  wolf’s head mounted on Robb’s body always haunted me from the book. It’s horrifying, almost worse than the killings themselves because of the disrespect to the dead.

D: I’m glad they put it in the show though. It’s a crazy image.

UC: It really is some harsh shit. The guy who did it got his though. Araya went Joe Pesci on his ass!

D: Why did she tell The Hound that was her first killing?

UC: That’s right. She killed that little fat kid in the first season.

D: Joffrey getting sent to bed was great. Tywin is such a bad ass. Charles Dance is such a bad ass. His scene with Peter Dinklage was really something.

UC: Fa sho.

UC: BTW, I guess it is the the same Melisandre from the last season.

D: You finally admit it? Damn that took a minute.

UC: I'm glad she's on board with the fight in the North. Makes me think she actually got the people's interest at heart.

D: Yes.

D: Speaking of red heads, how about Ygritte with the quick bow on Jon?

UC: I know some chicks who would have loved to shoot me with a couple of arrows when I was running away too. That hit too close to home.

D: I think that was the best acting we've seen from Kit Harington. He killed that scene. So did Rose Leslie. You got to love her.

D: I loved that story Bran told about the cook that turned into a giant rat. Obviously a nod towards how cursed the Freys are.

UC: Bran is still supposed to be a little kid. He looks like a grown ass man!

D: You know what: they better just keep shooting all of Bran's scenes now. If they wait he's going to look like he's in his twenty's by next season.

D: Sixty by Season 5!

UC: That's word.

D: I was also a little let down with this episode as well.

D: I thought it was going to have some big shit go down.

UC: What?

D: I thought they were going to have Joffery and Margaery's wedding.

UC: Hell no. They're saving that shit.

D: Isn't Season Four going to be super short?

D: I know they broke Storm of Swords up but how much is there left to make a whole season of?

UC: You're forgetting a lot homie. They got some big battles to throw in there. From the book. And the wedding is a big fucking deal.

D: OK.

D: How gross was that sausage scene with Ramsey and Theon?

UC: Yuck. Ain't no need for that.

UC: I thought for sure they were gonna show it when his daddy and the sister popped the box The Bastard sent.

D: What was up with that scene on the Iron Islands?

D: Why would Yara go and try to save Theon?

D: She hates his ass.

UC: She thinks he's a mark ass buster.

D: And he molested her.

UC: I don't know.

UC: That scene bothered me and the scene with Daenerys getting carried by the crowd bothered me.

D: That scene looked like Lollapalooza.

UC: Dude with the kid looked like some dude that's hanging out in Berkeley. Way too clean and healthy. Aren't these people slaves?

D: Good point. Everybody did look clean and healthy.

UC: That scene was hella cheesy.

UC: Ain't no way Barriston and Mormont are going to let their little queen go crowd surfing. Hell no.

D: Overall, thoughts on the season as a whole?

UC: Was fucking awesome. I loved it.

D: Good, me too.

UC: A book might come out before the next season.

UC: Can we have a book club up in here?

D: Of course, that sounds good.

D: But then we'll be spoiling it for next year's readers of Watch The Thrones.

UC: They need to get a book then.

UC: In the end, the books are better than the show.

D: That's big talk.

D: I would say the books are different than the show.

UC: Better!

D: OK.

D: See you next year.

UC: Peace!

Transcribed 06-10-13 by DJ Undacut’s neighbor Brent “Samwise” Croger for half a blunt.

Watch the Thrones, Week 8

The following is a series of recorded conversations between staff writers Dublin and DJ Undacut, transcribed on the evening of May 19th 2013.

2:50 PM

UC: I figured we would meet up early and make a couple’a predictions about tonight’s episode before it airs.

D: Okay.

UC: But I think we should make it a little more interesting by putting some money down.

D: Bets?

UC: F’sho.  So check it out: is this going to be a big ass episode, like big shit goes down? Or is it going to be another “treading” episode like what we discussed last week?

D: Big shit I think. It’s about time.

UC: I don’t think so. We’re at Episode 8. Big shit don’t go down until Episode 9 on HBO.

D: I still think something big is going down. Something huge.

UC: Alright, $25 says nothing all that significant is going to play out. And we gotta agree on what significant means.

D: I would say: Ned Stark getting killed. That was significant.

UC: Wow. So it’s gotta be that big.

D: Sure.

UC: You're on. Okay, will there be any titties?

D: I would imagine so.

UC: How many?

D: How many pairs?

UC: No, how many period.

D: Less than ten.

UC: You’re on. $5 says there will be more than ten.

D: If there’s less than ten I get $5?

UC: That’s right. Now, will Theon get tortured some more?

D: God I hope not. You think?

UC: $10 says he does.

D: Okay.

UC: Cool, see you in a few hours.

10:17 PM

UC: I'll take my $25 right off the bat homey.

D: There was a wedding!

UC: Shieeeet (just like Senator Clay Davis from The Wire). That wasn't no "big shit".

D: Hmmm. Okay. Well I'm keeping $5 because I only counted two titties.

UC: I counted four!

D: Melisandre and???

UC: Gendry fool.

D: If that even counted that's only four. That scene was a little over the top.

UC: That scene was kinky! Melisandre is like that freaky teacher that wants to hook up with her students in the parking lot.

D: She looks exactly like a classic character from a Conan comic book.

UC: Word up! That was every nerds favorite scene. And that was all added by the TV people, none of that is in the books.

D: Also, no Theon. So that's another $10 back to me.

UC: I'm still ten bucks ahead.

D: So the wedding wasn't a big deal to you?

UC: It wasn't no 'Ned Stark getting his dome chopped' scene, no. I did love it though.

D: Joffery!

UC: That little son of a bitch. Just when you think he can’t get no worse he’s talking about raping his dwarf uncle’s wife on their wedding night. Damn that little inbred bastard.

D: You know, for me, this is the episode where Tyrion truly became a hero, or at least a good guy.

UC: He's always been the real star.

D: Sure, but I'm saying. The way he handled the wedding night with Sansa showed him to really be one of the good guys. In fact, I feel that whole wedding and wedding night was done better on the show than in the books. Peter Dinklage straight killed it.

UC: Dinklage!

D: I've always felt he was a little over rated to be honest. But this episode showed why he's a great actor and why Tyrion is a good guy.

UC: I love when he threatened Joffery. Tywin had to chill that out.

D: Yes.

UC: Lannisters were threatening a lot of people this episode. How about Cersei threatening Margaery for calling her sister?

D: Hey, Cersei has got to protect her spot as Queen Bitch, I mean Regent.

UC: Finally, it seems as if Sam killed a White Walker.

D: It seems that way.

UC: I hate Sam.

D: I hate the White Walkers. They look so digital and stupid.

UC: I hate Sam's fat face with that nasty chin beard.

D: I think the White Walkers would have been more scary if you couldn't see so much of their faces. More like the Ring Wraiths.

UC: Now those guys are scary. See you next week!

D: Sounds good.

Transcribed by Jose Vanuello for Pro-Transcriptions, San Pablo CA. 05-19-13