By: DJ Undacut
Edited by: Dublin
10:26AM
-the lady downstairs woke me up again. God her voice is loud. It blows through the building like a siren or something. It’s a Monday. Why doesn’t she have a job?
10:41AM
-there’s only a few grains of coffee left but they’re a strong group of grains and they’ll do the trick. How do people wake up without coffee? I can’t talk without it. I can’t think. If I don’t have coffee then I smoke weed. If I don’t have weed then I go back to bed.
11:03AM
-that lady is still singing. She is awful. She gets close to the note but doesn’t quite make it and it strains all around and makes my head hurt. I have to get out of here. Somebody said the World Series is going on today and that the Giants are playing. Maybe I’ll go to a bar and watch it. I have to get away from this voice blowing through the building.
12:11PM
-I have to get out of here. She just won’t stop. When is her voice going to give out? I don’t usually go to bars and watch sports but today it’s going to be necessary. I don’t have much money. Instead of going and spending my twenty dollars on three drinks I’m going to buy a bottle and stash it in my back pack. That’s word.
2:30PM
-I’m at the bar but something weird happened at the store. I went to a Longs or CBS or whatever they call it now. I was waiting in a line with a bottle of Sauza ($17. That’s a bomb ass deal) and this woman starts walking around and calling out into the store. I didn’t notice at first but there was something about her tone that made me look over. She was saying: “Laney! Laney! Where are you?!”
This guy in line looked too and then we both looked away and waited for the retarded guy at the counter to ring us up.
“Laney! Laney!”
She’s still yelling it and now there’s a panic in her voice so me and the guy in line and the retarded guy at the counter are all looking around wishing Laney would come out because the woman’s voice is making us all nervous and jumpy.
“Laney! Laney! Please!”
The way she says please really got to me. She was desperate. I wanted to help but I’m kind of high and I think the weed was making me more panicked then I should have been. I wanted to get out of there. The guy in front of me pays and he gets out of there but I’m stuck waiting for the retarded guy to ring me up.
“Laney! Laney! Where are you! Please Laney! Where are you?!”
I finally get out of there and I’m walking in the direction of the bar and I see an old guy near the mechanical horse ride at the front of the store. He’s kind of homeless looking and I’m suspicious. Did he take Laney? Does he have her in a truck somewhere? Then I notice he’s looking at me. He’s looking at me real hard and I realize he’s maybe thinking the same thing as me: did that guy kidnap the little girl? I guess I sort of do look like a kidnapper. Maybe I’m just high.
5:07PM
-I had a few drinks in the bathroom and now I’m having a beer and now the game is starting. There’s a few old guys in here. The bartender’s name is Renee. She’s Chinese and she won’t stop talking about how much she likes dancing at clubs and how little she cares for baseball. I don’t really like baseball all that much either but I don’t bore the hell out of people talking about it when they’re trying to get their buzz on.
6:27PM
-the little long haired guy who pitches for the Giants is pretty good. He winds up all crazy and then throws it in for a strike. The Texas guys can’t help but swing at it. It’s crazy. The Texas pitcher (editor’s note: his name is Cliff Lee) throws pretty good too.
7:52PM
-I just saw George Bush sitting in the stands. Actually both Bushes are in the stands. It’s so weird. W caused so much destruction and hell in the world and there he is just sitting in the stands enjoying a baseball game. Part of me wishes some hitter would lose the grip on his bat and throw it on the stands and nail that guy. But that would mess the game up and damn, the game is going good. Edgar Rantiria just hit a three run homer and the Giants are probably going to win the World Series.
8:34PM
-The old guys are screaming. They are crying. They are hugging. Even Renee is excited. I’m glad I’m here. They say it’s historical. We’re living history. That’s pretty cool.
9:17PM
-I felt like offering all the excited people a drink so I took the bottle out of my back pack and tried to pour some shots but then Renee started yelling and a guy started getting all in my face so I took the bottle and bounced. I’m writing this as I walk home.
10:25PM
-I was about to pass out but then I remembered the lady who woke me up this morning so I put a record on and started bumping it really loud. I hope it wakes her up and annoys her like she annoyed me. But I have a feeling she’s still up. The Giants won the World Series.
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