Shotgun Wedding Quintet - Topic Freestyle (NSFW)- 7.20.10

I'm pretty much in the zone here. Topic lists are funny. The stranger the topic the better, in my opinion.

East Coast Tour PART 2

We drove to the border. People were nervous.
We talked about felonies and DUI's on the way. Half the people in our van had records.
We sat in a building in between America and Canada for 20 minutes.
There was tension as we waited for our passports to clear.
Cherith wouldn't sit down.
He took a picture.
Joe Bagale told everyone to be quiet. Some people grumbled. I was a tar demon and you could see the shit coming out of my skin. I thought the Canadians could see it and they wouldn't let me through.
The passports cleared. Everything was good.
We drove through the Canadian countryside and the air was clear.
We got to Montreal and our van went to the hotel. The rooms were nice. They were little apartments with bedrooms and kitchens. I washed up and changed my shirt.

Adam played with Crystal. He played with Joe Bagale. At 9 o'clock on the dot he was supposed to play with Shotgun.
It was ten minutes to Shotgun's show time and he hadn't showed up. I started to worry.
It was 5 minutes till show time and there was debate as whether to go on without him. The stage manager said we must go on. I cursed the stage manager.
It was show time and Adam hadn't showed up. I started to sweat. I walked out on stage and looked out a 6,000 people and spoke into the mic. I rapped accapela. That ended and I was out of tricks.
The band had to play so Tommy Folen played bass instead of Adam. He didn't know the songs. He played like he did. He was a man but it wouldn't last long.
It was 15 minutes in and Adam wasn't there. I called the strings up and Evan Francis counted it in and we began to play. I could have kissed Evan. He was feeding me confidence. We went through a song. It wasn't bad but I was still sweating.
Adam showed up with Jon and they set up they're gear. The shows had been scheduled for failure. They hadn't had time to get to the stage when we played but that was behind us now and we needed to work.
I wiped my brow and the show went on. The crowd called out for Joe Cohen. The called out for Evan and Sheldon and Mikey. They called out for Adam and Anthony. They called out for Shaina, and Cherith, and Alex. They called out for Pat with his SF hat on his head.
They called out for us and I felt it. I could feel that they felt it. They got it. I knew we had something special and the people in Montreal got it. I looked out at those 6,000 people and I felt it.
I played the show like I would have played any show and they responded. I rapped and the band played and we were accepted for what we were & embraced for our difference.

We walked the streets of Montreal. We were a living cloud of bliss. Everyone we met was nice. Everyone was smart. These Quebecians knew how life worked and they had mastered it. They had socialized health care. They had low cost of living. They paid $600 for three bedroom apartments. I wasn't jealous, just in awe.
We went to a club and it was jazz/hip-hop jam with Kommunity. They rapped and sang and kept it real. We sat in and they loved it and spoke with us and accepted us. There was no bullshit. There wasn't ego or beef. We were no longer in America.

It was the next morning, the day of Brass Bows & Beats on the main stage. I ate breakfast at a little spot near the hotel. I sat with Jon Monahan, Eric Garland, Matt Lucas, Steve, and Seneca. We ate and we felt good. Matt Lucas explained that the air conditioner in the restaurant was very advanced and that it was built with a cutting edge duct system. Eric said it was the most boring thing he had ever heard.
Me and Sen went back to the Hotel and watched the World Cup. Brazil scared me. They were too good and I couldn't root for them.
The night's show crept up on us. We were playing Brass Bows & Beats on the main stage. Sound men speaking French and smoking American Spirits scurried around in all directions.
The sun was going down and there was a chance of rain.
The 43 piece orchestra played "Darkness & Light" and I watched it on one of the monitors. Aima was the mother of the whole crowd. She nurtured all 60,000 people with her voice. Karyn Paige was an animated pixie. She was sent from another land to show the people of Earth how to get down.
The band went into "Sweet Memory" and I walked out on to the stage and looked out at the crowd and thought: "I had a dream about this once."
The show went on and I lost track of where I was and who I was. Matt Nelson shot gunned beers backstage. Big droplets of rain began to fall from the sky at the end of the set. The rain started to fall during the second set and many of the 60,000 left but we played on.

After we were done we traipsed through the streets like an occupying army. Most of us ended up at Metropolis where the band Coyote Bill blew our minds from the stage. The drummer Benji played jazz and funk licks with a metal touch and the room was alive. We all sat in one by one: me, Adam, Joe, Matt, Uriah, on and on.
Someone handed out acid and a few people got dosed. I got drunk. I got drunk and I wandered the streets until I ended up in the penthouse at the hotel with Aima, Karyn, Joe, Rita, and Crystal. We lounged with wine and camaraderie until we got a call and were told the party was downstairs. We went ten flights down and entered a room of smoke and sweat and glow in the dark juggling. There was something menacing about it. Rita was playing her flute and just like the pied piper she led everybody back up to the penthouse where the sun was coming up. I stood on the balcony in the rain and was overjoyed. It was a warm rain and it was perfect. Those that were on acid remembered they were on acid and talked about it on the balcony. Those that were drunk joined us on the balcony and I started to worry about the balcony breaking off the building and falling into the Canadian street below. I was ready for it if it did.
It held strong so I went downstairs and went to bed.

East Coast Tour PART 1

I chose to write a record of the Jazz Mafia East Coast Tour 2010 like a pretentious Hemingway wannabe because that’s exactly what I am. Kind of being sarcastic kind of not. Any who, I wrote it in a style that I thought was funny and that I thought fit so if you don’t like it go f%$k yourself. This is Dublin’s World.

PART 1

The Oakland airport is small. It feels like your some where in the mid-west when your flight is delayed.
The drinking began right then.
Joe Cohen was there and we had some food and some laughs.
Aima was there. She had waited at the airport Chilies for hours.
Wayne was there. So were Anthony and Alex Kelley, and Evan, and Mikey, and Neil.
We were all mostly buzzed at the airport Chilies and the trip hadn’t begun.
I hugged my brother Eric Garland and my brother Pat.
I saw Jon near the bathroom.
We were laughing and the Chilies wait staff hated us.
They called for our flight and Matt Lucas was detained for a bit because he looks slightly Arab.

I slept during the plane ride. I can sleep anywhere. Fell asleep during a conversation once.
All there at JFK. The whole Jazz Mafia in New York City.
We were picked up in vans. The cemeteries were gigantic. The traffic was thick.
Went across the Williamsburg Bridge. I could see Manhattan.
Drove into the village. Beautiful day. The women were out.
Journeyed around. Paraded through parks. Walked into bars.
Took the vans to the club. People drive like there is no tomorrow. People jay walk like there is no today.
The girls are beautiful. Some of them had decided to not wear braes and I supported the movement with a respectful nod.

We load in to the club and we are like an army. We eat everything in sight. We drink all the liquor they will give us.
The sound men are professional. If they are intimidated by the 45 piece Orchestra they don't show it.
We started the show. They had Adam on a riser high above the crowd. The crowd began to cry out in anticipation at the top of Darkness and Light and we were in New York playing music like men and women that had a purpose.
A drunken anthropology professor said I was channeling Sinatra. I acted like it was no big deal but I was touched. We ended the show with Ease the Pain and it felt good.

After the show I found myself at a bar. Joe Cohen was there and he was buying drinks. There was a band playing and the drinks wouldn't stop being poured even after I had crossed the line.
The crowd was thick.
There were two dwarfs in the crowd.
I nodded at them and Joe did too.
We were drunk and then we were in the van and then it was morning in New Jersey. I walked out of the room in the same clothes I had worn the day before with the hair of a pagan. The whole Jazz Mafia laughed.
Chris McGee called me a tar demon or something. He said he could see the shit coming out of my skin.
"Not shit but you know what I mean," he said.